Another cycle ends – transformation and connecting with my feelings associated.

#It’s an inside journey#

It seems lately there is less time to write as much as I used to be able too.  I find myself feeling emotional today, as I am coming to an end of another cycle, what is it about endings that evoke so much emotion, even knowing that every ending is going to open a new doorway.  An example I can think of, is this, ending a relationship that is negative, dysfunctional and has evoked negative emotions associated, one would imagine that one would feel “Happy” and yet the feelings that arise, are feelings of loss, and then there is the cycle of emotions that give rise to grieving.  This is an example to understand.

I say goodbye this week to a role that has come to completion for 2 years, it has been an experience of both positive and negative, positive because of the connections made, the laughter, the giggles, connecting with new people, being able to be a listening ear to those that have needed it, even being a listening ear to those who have projected their anger, because of the space that they were in at the time.  The negative the demands on the physical and emotional body.  I feel it is now time to close that door and say “Goodbye and “Thank you” for the journey, the experience, the highs and the lows.  But isn’t it amazing how closing doors, brings you closer to your emotions of loss, from previous doors that you have closed, or in some cases, closed because you had no choice, because closure may not have been completely possible.

I have just finished today, my 2nd job for the week, this will end next month, it is time for a new chapter, new beginnings, and even knowing that this will usher in new growth, I cannot help but feel a tinge of emotions, like awww, it feels a little sad, it has reminded me of other losses.  You see my viewpoint is this, that in this life, this fast paced western world we are so very busy pressing on, not giving ourselves time to process our emotions, our feelings associated with whatever we may be experiencing that we can if not careful walk around like we are “dead” emotionless, unfeeling, detached from our inner core emotions, and that in my mind is not good for the Mind, Body nor the Spirit.

I understand for many a feeling person who is in touch with their emotions, can feel too intense for many who choose to lock their emotions away, detach from them, store them in a box, never to open Pandora’s box until “Spirit” or the “Universe” decide to give you a situation or scenario, whereby you have to revisit, can you imagine for a moment that had you have had the courage, foresight and strength to initially allow yourself to tap into your emotions for each given situation, circumstance or event at that moment in time, what you would have been saving yourself from re-visiting later? Its true so much we would have saved ourselves if we had the courage to deal with it “NOW”

So today, I am feeling a little full of mixed emotions as I say goodbye to one chapter this month, then another chapter next month, when for the last 3 years I have been struggling with coming to terms and accepting a real big chapter and cycle in my life that was to be my biggest challenge emotionally yet, confronting, the face of what felt like “Death” “Loss” “Rejection” and feeling unworthy.

I have worked hard to claw my way back up from the very bottomless pit of the rabbit hole, and believe you me, there are moments when there is a trigger such as a loss, or a transition, that sets me back briefly, just momentarily to remembering where I have come from and where I have been.

Today, has felt a deeply moving day emotionally, the past 4 years have been hard as I have been working on my business this business and in the moments of healing, working with depression, counselling, past life regression to look at patterns that I may have been repeating, and allowing myself to be defined by how others have chosen to treat me, and what I have allowed in that process, has been deep.  So now couple with the wisdom of a mother who has raised 3 children to adulthood, who has experienced, many deaths, many failures, many rejections, many challenges, I can honestly say that as I sit back I can actually say, Susan, you really ought to be proud of yourself.

You see the greatest Teacher that we have is not Education, is not text book theories, no ideologies, not philosophies, but simply “Life experiences” and the pain associated with such.  Along with life experiences, pain is our greatest Teacher, for in this we are confronted with our weaknesses, confronted with our strengths, with our boundaries, with what we will accept and what we won’t and we are too faced with our vulnerabilities, we are stripped away of all ego facets of our soul and character and then once the unveiling takes place, we are confronted with a fresh new childlike new beginning on which to transmute all of the learning that has been gleaned from the whole journey;

I am proud to say that I am now much more accepting, comfortable with loss and transformation than I have ever been, even allowing myself to visit the emotions associated with the changes that take place.  Today I was given some feedback on my Group that I run on Facebook, and to me it was one of my most powerful messages that I have received, for believe me in the moments that I have doubted myself, in that journey of allowing myself to be defined by what I felt was a rejection of me, and a rejection of me not being good enough, I received affirmation and confirmation that the whole ethos of my Group Spiritual Reflections & Thoughts.  The Journey that it is successful and it does make a difference, and believe you me in the moments when I doubted myself, my souls call and who I was, who I am, I nearly called the whole lot in.  I tried a few times, but was told by Facebook that the page was of value to its followers and they would not let me close it, this coupled with today’s message has indicated to me that I am a powerful, strong woman who has been to hell and back and has risen.  As in the voice of Maya Angelou, I share a symbolism of who I can identify with,

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou1928 – 2014

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

From And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc.

My spirit got broken, but not my essence, that can never be taken away for it sits in the well of my soul and comes to my aid in real times of need.

 

“And Still I Rise” and in doing so I have learnt so much about me, and what I am capable of.  Thank you for the lessons, that have enable to me to view them in the mirror of

reflection. photo-1438762398043-ac196c2fa1e7

 

Susan Lawrence

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching.

Time is a Healer! The Gift of Time

Every day is unique in its unfolding.
They say that time is a healer, you cannot place time on any healing that needs to take place, for it is like layers of an onion, each layer that sheds gives rise to an emergence of another layer to be healed.
The severity of the trauma or the experience will always be a unique one to each individual, I do admire those that appear to have the ability to dust themselves off, like flour on their clothes, dust, dust, then its gone, but is it really though? hmmmm I do wonder, for humans have the capacity to compartmentalize their stored experiences of hurt and pain in a tight lidded box, to be open again at ones choosing and peril, or when they are triggered and they have no choice but to look the hurt in the eye and say yes, I am ready now to deal with it. aaron-burden-622662-unsplash.jpg
In this though this only prolongs the healing that needs to take place, compounds it, one thing that we can do in this beautiful unfolding of “Life” is enjoy each day, live it, experience it, whilst we still give ourselves permission to be in this timeframe of NOW!!
Time is a healer, it isn’t finite, we cannot say I will feel better today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year, it truly is a unique thing, the capacity to be able to still function though whilst one gives themselves time to heal what their soul as asking to be healed is the capacity to enjoy each day in its unfolding, to find the joy in each day.
I know from experience that behind every smile there are an ocean of tears, indeed though, this does not mean for one moment that there isn’t the capacity to laugh, giggle even though somehow, somewhere you may be hurting inside, for the gift of time, wisdom and experience is the blessings of being able to function and still get on and move away for just a moment from the pain.
Not forgetting though for those that struggle, sometimes the struggle is just too real, sometimes the transformation from pain to joy seems just a little to long a way for them, never judge, for how can we, when we are not walking a mile in their shoes, we may be able to understand the pain, but everyone will have their own unique strategies, coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with it, there is no right or wrong.
Remembering that as John Holt says, Time Is The Master!!
Remembering that Tears are the Liquid Emotions That The Heart Cannot Express!!
No judgement please for Time is a healer in all things.
With Light and Love, Susan xxxxx

The 8th & 12th Astrological House – Your Shadow Self, Karma, Your secret doorway to your subconscious soul.

Today my mind feels deeper than usual if that is at all possible.  For sometime, a long time now I have held a belief that the 8th and 12th Astrological House in Astrology holds a great deal of information pertaining to our subconscious soul.

These two houses are where we store a great deal of secrets, a great deal of shadow stuff that we may not always desire to confront.

The 8th House in Astrology specifically relates to the astrological sign of Scorpio which relates to the cycle of Birth and Death and Sex, you can bet that if you do have planets in your 8th House then you will have lived a life of loss in differing forms, whether this is a physical loss, spiritual loss or emotional loss, there most definitely will be a depth to you, that some may not understand.  I have this, planets in my 8th astrological house and my 12th house and it just means that I tend to be very deep and some will even say complex, that I can live with and accept.

The 8th House is where you will go through a series of new beginnings and endings, some you will welcome, some you won’t. some you will find more manageable, some will feel more poignant and some will be felt deeply.

The 12th House is the house of mysteries, the house of “Secrets”, Have you had your Astrological chart done? do you know where your placings are for the 8th and 12th house, I will give you a breakdown now of the Houses and what they mean, I do feel that there is a direct correlation and link with Astrology, Tarot and Numerology and all are interlinked in some way.

The Houses: –

1st House – “The Self” – Beginnings, related to Aries

2nd House – Material and physical environment, income, related to Taurus

3rd House – Communication, siblings, nearby travel, related to Gemini

4th House – Foundation, basic security, imagine Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need, related to Cancer, “Mother”

5th House – the house of “Self Expression”, fun, play, related to Leo

6th House – Health, service to others, related to Virgo

7th House – The house of Relationships, partnerships, marriage, related to Libra

8th House – Birth, Death, Sex, Transformation, mysteries, other people’s property, inheritance, related to Scorpio

9th House – The higher mind, Expansion, International and long distance travel, related to Sagittarius

10th House – Government, Structures, Corporations, Father, related to Capricorn.

11th House – Teams, Friendships, Groups, Society, Networking, related to Aquarius.

12th House – Endings, Afterlife, Old Age, Hospitals, related to Pisces.

So if you haven’t had your Astrological Chart done before and you feel a desire to understand yourself more to gain insight into the inner workings of you, let me know and I will be happy to help.

Have a blessed day, the way to understanding others is to understand yourself.

A reminder that your soul made a choice to incarnate with all what you have chosen as your souls pathway to learn and grow. 20180407_085001.png

In love & Light, Susan xx

 

 

Turning Loss into a learning experience.

As I sat quietly this morning, baking and listening to my usual beautiful Calm Zen Radio, I sat with my deck of cards and asked for today’s guidance.  The card that came up is called “Death Is An Illusion” now for western ways this may sound morbid, touching base with such a subject.  I will always feel that the British western ways of dealing and handling loss, death is to remain in a sense of denial with a stiff upper lip.  But with other cultures they actually embrace death, loss as a passageway.  Someone needs to hear this message today, so I am going to go with its message.

This card talks of death being a physical vessel which exists.  That there is a beginning, middle and an end to every life form, whether this is measured in minutes, days, or decades.  It is the nature of the molecules of this earthly planer to have an end date, this is the natural state, this is something that we all do have a guarantee of, and know of.

The death of the conscious energy (or soul) of the vessel, however is an illusion.  But because it can’t be seen or measured and because there are no instruments to detect it, many humans question the ability of the consciousness to survive the death of the vessel.  Just because the limitations of the brain aren’t able to explain the intricate dance between the physical dimension and the spiritual dimensions does not negate its existence.

Spiritual form uses “Death” as a tool, and it then manifests itself in the emotional expression as grief.  This card has been drawn because there may be a need to let go and have some assistance with feelings of loss.  Everything comes to its natural end.  Humans, Animals die, relationships and careers end, but the courageous, strong and full of wisdom are those that are able to transcend any pain of loss into a positive and draw reference from what once was in that moment of time.  Grief is a very real emotion and needs to be felt, acknowledged, understood and validated for its very presence and essence, I liken it to the journey of at times grief being so desperately painful in that moment of mourning the loss of what once was, what one may have hoped for, for what might have been, for all the hopes, desires, expectations, dreams and emotions to no longer having it in a very real sense.  When we allow ourselves to truly touch base with the emotions of loss, mourning and letting go and then transcending all of those difficult emotions to a positive that is when we have allowed our soul to truly rise in the power of its truth, almost like the process and journey of the Phoenix rising from its ashes, there is so much learning when we allow ourselves to process and flow through the whole experience and come out of the other side. Know one said it is easy, going to be easy, or is easy, it is just a passageway to reach the full potential of the other side, taking the journey, the learning of letting go of any attachments that exist.

Helping others in times of grief is one of the most important lessens that we can give to humanity, there is something really soul deep when we are in pain and still having the capacity to rise up and support others, that is compassion at its highest form, grief is one of the most important events in a persons lifetime that the soul can experience.

You see spirit knows that the bonds of Love never truly die and that the souls who are no longer existing in a physical sense are more alive and with you that you may have thought possible whilst you reside in this dimension of Earth, it is your conscious mind that has the difficulty in accepting this fact.  The “Reunion” with your Spirit family is also an illusion because in truth you have never been separated, no amount of time, place nor distance will ever be able to discount the memories, the love, the joy, the feelings that existed when you were both together on this earth plane, and nothing will ever be able to change that.

Grief is a passageway and a gateway to truly learn the journey and the truth that separation is in the mind, and that in your soul the love still exists and always will.

If at any time your grief feels to much too overwhelming or perhaps it has taken you to a place where you are not able to move forward because you have become stuck in the emotions, feelings, thoughts and memories, do seek some professional counselling to support you to get through this, it is not a weakness but a beautiful strength to seek and ask for help when you soul truly needs it.

Remember you are always loved by who you have lost, or at least in your lifetime you were and that never changes.

In love and beautiful light.  Susan xxxxx

Deck Messages from the guides James Van Praagh.  I happen to think are truly powerful, beautiful and speak an abundance of spiritual truth, words written today are a combination of guidance and my own. 20180310_135728.jpg

 

Reviewing a box of dark chocolates!

Today I wanted to share a concept of dark chocolates, I remember many years ago seeing this meme. FB_IMG_1519284648761

It took me some years later to understand the importance of its meaning.  “Heartbreak”, now we all know, in fact I do not imagine for one moment that anyone does not know what that feels like, it is one of human nature experiences that are always an aspect of life through the passage of time.

My perception of it is that the dark chocolates are the very things that need to be addressed in a relationship that is not healthy, may be toxic, may be imbalanced, may be where there are aspects that are being shown as a means for soul development and a journey to growth, one thing I have come to realize is that our deepest, darkest, shadow experiences, the most harrowing of experiences are where our soul grows the most, we are forced to as in the very deepest aspect where we are forced out of our comfort zone we are afforded the gift of light after our dark chocolates experience.

One of the most painful aspects of this dark chocolates experiences are the feelings of loss, not dissimilar to the feeling of “grief”, grief can sometimes plummet you down the rabbit hole, sometimes it can take you to a very dark and overcast place as it introduces you to the very core aspects of our subconscious self that may need to be healed, especially if there has been trauma that has been experienced before, whether this is from an early experience, childhood or other.

You see our triggers do in fact have something to teach us, as we journey through the very differing range of emotions that we can experience through loss, heartache, whether it be through death, or a severing of a relationship we become faced with aspects of ourselves that may feel rather uncomfortable, this is not a one rule for all, it is a rule for some, some are able to just dust themselves down and appear not to be as affected.  However, a point to note in my opinion from experience is that when we soldier on and do not give our souls a space of acknowledging, processing, validating an experience, there can be a situation much later in life where it can smack us in the face.  The Universe does that you see.

Having this dark chocolates experience can feel rather uncomfortable, disconcerting, unfamiliar, scary, leave you with a sense of not feeling in control as you journey through the experience of coming to terms with what has been handed to you.  I liken this to experiences that you may not have been expecting or may not have seen, a traumatic event that has jolted your soul awake, jolted it, shook it to the very core and rippled the whole of the foundations of what you thought were.

One of the things that is very common is to go through several stages of emotions in the early stages of trauma and shock. these are:-

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Highly emotional
  • Rationalization of ones emotions and feelings
  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Making excuses for the experience
  • Trying to downplay the experience
  • Acceptance
  • Victim mentality
  • Survival mentality
  • Relieving the experience in your mind

The range of emotions that you may experience due to your situation or circumstance will assist you in journeying through a variation of these emotions and you may bounce around different ones at any different times, the last stage is anger and then you find a place of acceptance.

Heartbreak and is one of the most painful things, there is even heartbreak in the loss experience, it is not unknown for couples whom have been together for long periods of time to lose their other partner to find themselves in a situation where they have not long followed.  It is extremely important not to rush the healing process of heartbreak and loss, it is a very unique grief journey that is unique to each and every individual.

It is important to take one day at a time as you allow yourself to heal and get to a place where finally you get to a place of acceptance, listen to your soul, your mind and spirit and you will know when you have taken the lesson and be able to turn it into a blessing.  For everything that we do experience in the theme of dark chocolates gives us an opportunity for growth, even if you do wear the experiences of that experience for many years to come.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to your heart and soul as you heal.

With love & light, Susan xx

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching