An Interdependent Relationship is the healthiest way v co-dependency, learning the art of detachment in relationships.

Relationships, the most sought after thing, yet for many, including myself can feel illusive, why is that, well here is my learning, until we get healthy with ourselves and weed out negative behaviour patterns and negative conditioning, we simply cannot be healthy with another, this is not to say for one moment, that one ought to take full responsibility for the demise of a relationship in its totality, but an understanding of how you played a part in that demise and what part you played.

You simply cannot expect to make another accountable if they choose not to be aware, or simply acknowledge in communication with you, their part, or even validate any hurt their actions may have fostered.

You see pain, in particular in relationships, I believe are one of our greatest Teachers, and greatest assets to be able to force us to grow and come out of our conditioned comfort zone.

Many will say how the hell can you give advice on relationships when you are not in one? well here is the thing, if you are a person who does reflect and does look in the mirror you can glean a lot from what hasn’t worked, what things you have done, what things you haven’t done and you can take this lessons forward, there is no greater lesson than that what is deemed as failure both from your own inner critic and from an observational view of the lens.

I have come to learn that the reason why the very thing that you may truly desire from your soul and heart eludes you, is because perhaps you have been eluding yourself? quite often the focus on “other” is a mechanism to deflect you from looking at yourself, it is easy to get into a situation whereby it’s always the other persons fault, but that is just proportioning blame, which serves no purpose, that is just a justification to take no responsibility for being part of that journey.

You see my learning is that when you love deeply there can be acts of imbalance in that you give all of yourself, sometimes at times at the expense of “other” when in actual fact, the gift is to learn interdependence, keep a level of individuality and a level of interdependence in equal measure.  Having been part of unhealthy relationships, I now get to witness so much earlier on, the red flags of where a situation could become co-dependent, that is not love, that is enabling, that is control, and love is not about control.

Love needs to be given a space to be free, to flourish, to grow, to emerge in its floral design, so that both emerge and grow to their highest and greatest potential.  One of the healthiest relationships is where honest, truthful and connected, present communication exists, where there is absolutely no fear or judgement in being able to express your true, honest and authentic self.

The gift of loving unconditionally without expectation is the gift of detachment, for when you get to a place where there is no expectation of an outcome, there is no need, nor desire to “fix” other, but to focus on fixing, YOU, that is the gift of a healthy relationship.

In today’s society there are a great deal of unhealthy relationships, I know this from a wisdom perspective, and knowledge as being part of a group, observation and reading.

Unhealthy relationship patterns can be learnt from an early age, even from the perspective of what appears on the outside, a very healthy relationship to co-dependency and enabling patterns that take place in the home.

When you can get to a place where you can safely allow your souls true authentic self to shine, express itself without fear or judgement, and the same for other, then that right there is a healthy balance.

Love is not control, loves needs space to be able to express its truth, not all flowers and rose tinted glasses all of the time, but the moments of emotions that may not feel very comfortable, when you get to a place where you can connect with someone and you show all facets of your character and personality and there is nothing hidden, and both of you are able to hold each other in those moments by being emotionally present and available, that is a healthy relationship.

If you feel the need to “fix” make excuses, dum down who you are, or suppress your emotions or who you are that is control, that isn’t healthy.  The importance of honest communication is also about allowing yourself to vocalise your feelings without fear this helps the relationship grow because you are showing your vulnerability, and it is only when we truly drop our guard, show our vulnerability that we can truly have an honest loving relationship and remember, just because you behave in a particular way, it does not mean expecting other to be the same, because that right there is one of the situations that will set you up for a fall.  Most of us do have an expectation of how we perceive things should be, but in the love stakes, usually it turns out to be completely different, that is because we had an expectation.

Love is a gift when it is allowed to grow and flow.

In love & light, Susan. xxx

(c) Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching.PortraitSoulPic

 

Another cycle ends – transformation and connecting with my feelings associated.

#It’s an inside journey#

It seems lately there is less time to write as much as I used to be able too.  I find myself feeling emotional today, as I am coming to an end of another cycle, what is it about endings that evoke so much emotion, even knowing that every ending is going to open a new doorway.  An example I can think of, is this, ending a relationship that is negative, dysfunctional and has evoked negative emotions associated, one would imagine that one would feel “Happy” and yet the feelings that arise, are feelings of loss, and then there is the cycle of emotions that give rise to grieving.  This is an example to understand.

I say goodbye this week to a role that has come to completion for 2 years, it has been an experience of both positive and negative, positive because of the connections made, the laughter, the giggles, connecting with new people, being able to be a listening ear to those that have needed it, even being a listening ear to those who have projected their anger, because of the space that they were in at the time.  The negative the demands on the physical and emotional body.  I feel it is now time to close that door and say “Goodbye and “Thank you” for the journey, the experience, the highs and the lows.  But isn’t it amazing how closing doors, brings you closer to your emotions of loss, from previous doors that you have closed, or in some cases, closed because you had no choice, because closure may not have been completely possible.

I have just finished today, my 2nd job for the week, this will end next month, it is time for a new chapter, new beginnings, and even knowing that this will usher in new growth, I cannot help but feel a tinge of emotions, like awww, it feels a little sad, it has reminded me of other losses.  You see my viewpoint is this, that in this life, this fast paced western world we are so very busy pressing on, not giving ourselves time to process our emotions, our feelings associated with whatever we may be experiencing that we can if not careful walk around like we are “dead” emotionless, unfeeling, detached from our inner core emotions, and that in my mind is not good for the Mind, Body nor the Spirit.

I understand for many a feeling person who is in touch with their emotions, can feel too intense for many who choose to lock their emotions away, detach from them, store them in a box, never to open Pandora’s box until “Spirit” or the “Universe” decide to give you a situation or scenario, whereby you have to revisit, can you imagine for a moment that had you have had the courage, foresight and strength to initially allow yourself to tap into your emotions for each given situation, circumstance or event at that moment in time, what you would have been saving yourself from re-visiting later? Its true so much we would have saved ourselves if we had the courage to deal with it “NOW”

So today, I am feeling a little full of mixed emotions as I say goodbye to one chapter this month, then another chapter next month, when for the last 3 years I have been struggling with coming to terms and accepting a real big chapter and cycle in my life that was to be my biggest challenge emotionally yet, confronting, the face of what felt like “Death” “Loss” “Rejection” and feeling unworthy.

I have worked hard to claw my way back up from the very bottomless pit of the rabbit hole, and believe you me, there are moments when there is a trigger such as a loss, or a transition, that sets me back briefly, just momentarily to remembering where I have come from and where I have been.

Today, has felt a deeply moving day emotionally, the past 4 years have been hard as I have been working on my business this business and in the moments of healing, working with depression, counselling, past life regression to look at patterns that I may have been repeating, and allowing myself to be defined by how others have chosen to treat me, and what I have allowed in that process, has been deep.  So now couple with the wisdom of a mother who has raised 3 children to adulthood, who has experienced, many deaths, many failures, many rejections, many challenges, I can honestly say that as I sit back I can actually say, Susan, you really ought to be proud of yourself.

You see the greatest Teacher that we have is not Education, is not text book theories, no ideologies, not philosophies, but simply “Life experiences” and the pain associated with such.  Along with life experiences, pain is our greatest Teacher, for in this we are confronted with our weaknesses, confronted with our strengths, with our boundaries, with what we will accept and what we won’t and we are too faced with our vulnerabilities, we are stripped away of all ego facets of our soul and character and then once the unveiling takes place, we are confronted with a fresh new childlike new beginning on which to transmute all of the learning that has been gleaned from the whole journey;

I am proud to say that I am now much more accepting, comfortable with loss and transformation than I have ever been, even allowing myself to visit the emotions associated with the changes that take place.  Today I was given some feedback on my Group that I run on Facebook, and to me it was one of my most powerful messages that I have received, for believe me in the moments that I have doubted myself, in that journey of allowing myself to be defined by what I felt was a rejection of me, and a rejection of me not being good enough, I received affirmation and confirmation that the whole ethos of my Group Spiritual Reflections & Thoughts.  The Journey that it is successful and it does make a difference, and believe you me in the moments when I doubted myself, my souls call and who I was, who I am, I nearly called the whole lot in.  I tried a few times, but was told by Facebook that the page was of value to its followers and they would not let me close it, this coupled with today’s message has indicated to me that I am a powerful, strong woman who has been to hell and back and has risen.  As in the voice of Maya Angelou, I share a symbolism of who I can identify with,

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou1928 – 2014

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

From And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc.

My spirit got broken, but not my essence, that can never be taken away for it sits in the well of my soul and comes to my aid in real times of need.

 

“And Still I Rise” and in doing so I have learnt so much about me, and what I am capable of.  Thank you for the lessons, that have enable to me to view them in the mirror of

reflection. photo-1438762398043-ac196c2fa1e7

 

Susan Lawrence

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching.

We all play a part in each others soul’s growth!

Good Morning, Happy Monday, blessings for a beautiful week ahead.

There are some moments where my reflective processing feels deeper than others, but there is nothing more that I love than a good laugh!!  Ever had those moments where you connect with some loved ones, friends and the laughter just roles.

This morning has me thinking about the roles we all play, I firmly believe that our connections either bring out the best, or the worst.  That the long connections, brief connections, short connections, all play a part in the interconnections of our souls journey.  I believe that people come into our lives either a lesson or a blessing.

The truth is the process of elimination & discernment to discover which, at times through the journey of these processes in takes time for revelations to reveal themselves, what comes after dark, always comes to light.

Make sure though that those that are present and who have shown up you appreciate them, please do let them know that they matter, that they feel important to your heart and your soul, for there is nothing sweeter than feeling acknowledged, validated, and noticed from that loving space of appreciation, who doesn’t like to feel appreciated? validated and acknowledged.

Look out for the positive interactions, those that support you to become the best version of you, and remembering it is a two way street, equally that you support those that mean something to you, to become the best version of them.

Life and its connections always ought to be about give and take in equal measure, not take, take, take, that is an imbalance that both parties can do without.

Sometimes the lessons or the blessings come to realisation later on, but most of all let your soul guide you as to who feels “right”  who feels a right fit, you cannot go wrong with that inner gut antennae that speaks volumes as it either feels good, or feels uncomfortable in its gnawing truth.

Thank all those that have been a blessing, never forgetting a moment of gratitude for all of the lessons and the blessings, in whichever way they come.

Have a great week ahead,

With love & light, Susan xxxx

 

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching 29258579_640976379573874_8486568649174286336_o10277005_701498216574361_3112295131616827545_n

 

Being disconnected!

Happy Saturday,

I have my quiet thinking reflective head on today, and have been thinking about the subject of loneliness, and isolation.  Facebook helps many feel connected virtually, yet we appear to be living in a world where a vast amount of people feel a sense of loneliness at the very core.

The virtual world, of Texting, Whats app, Messenger, Hangouts, Email, Snap chat and many others, do people actually talk to each other anymore?

Connections being made by text, conversations by text alone, appears to have produced a laziness to connect in a very real way.  And yet there are many that feel a sense of real loneliness!  I created a meme today and the caption said,

“Perhaps you feel empty? perhaps you feel that something is missing? Perhaps it is you that is missing? and you are the one you have been searching for!”

Interdependence is what we have been created for, I still believe this in many ways, yet there is a real disconnection with this happening, so many people searching for gratification outside of themselves, so many seeking for the void that they feel within themselves, to be filled through another.  When in essence to put your happiness at the hands of another is an expectation that may create a sense of dissatisfaction, because in essence another may not be able to meet that expectation.

How many times do you allow yourself to sit and be present with yourself? and to real feel a sense of connection with YOU!, There is so much that you can do when you are present with “Self”, there are things that you can do to fill your time, there are things that you can engage in to make yourself feel whole.

We live in a society that fosters being with another, and yes I do believe whether we like to admit it or not, we all do need someone, but I have come to learn that the time that we can truly be happy, is when we have allowed ourselves the journey of being happy and present with “self”.  That place when you feel a sense of peace and acceptance and being at one with YOU.  It is then that I believe that we can truly connect with another, essentially because the pressure and need, the expectation for another to fill the void that you may be feeling becomes less.  I love nothing that spending time quietly with myself, being in silence at times, listening to music sometimes, dancing, reading, researching, writing, doing things that need to be done, watching some TV, going out in nature and capturing beauty on my camera or on my phone, sometimes jumping on a bus and going to the beach.  There is no expectation from me for another to fill my silence, I can do that.

It is when you finally get to a place of acceptance, and being at one with yourself, that you will find another.  Ironically the very world that has now been created with social media, is connected yet disconnected, does that make sense to you! It has also fostered lazy behaviour where people feel that they no longer have to put the effort in, this goes to both males and females, it is all to easy to drop a message than actually pick up the phone, or pick up the phone and arrange a face to face meeting to really connect.  Like everything connection has even come at a price of disposal, almost like online shopping, pick what you like and then clicking.

Its sad really, a World that is connected, yet so disconnected.

I know that I would prefer to smell a persons presence, to feel their presence, to be able to hear the tone of their voice, their facial expressions, the tone of their vocabulary, how they express themselves, and yet no longer do I desire to just “Settle”, for I have learnt it is healthier to be alone, than with a connection that doesn’t feel real.

“Connect with what’s real, so you can feel!!

In love & light, Susan xxx

copyright! Susan Lawrence Soul Coachingmeditation_by_psychedelicstuff-d55hywb

 

Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message 18/04/2018

Good evening,

extremely late today, its been a beautiful eventful day, one which I feel grateful and blessed for, the weather picked up and the elements were smiling, that is always a good thing.  I hope that your day has been enjoyable and productive and a happy one too.

Today’s message speaks of our outer experiences being a reflection of our internal condition, interesting. things are very busy but calm at present and that feels a good place to be, how about you? how are things with you?

We do have to be mindful of what we allow to influence us from an external point of view, certainly there are some things I deliberately do not engage in as a result of desiring to keep my inner world still to a degree, that is something that we can control in any instance.

So if things are challenging, dramatic from an external factor then this is a direct reflection of what is going on inside.   We attract what we are to some degree, sometimes this is difficult to see and to figure out, but there is truth in this.

So today’s message is simply to alert you to think and look at this in a different perspective, if your world is fraught with worry and lots of drama it is because somewhere you may be creating it from an inside place.

You have the choice whether to give something time or not, if it isn’t for your highest vibration then let it go.

Try and keep a positive mindset, with love & light, Susan xxx20180326_202951.jpg

 

Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message 17/04/2018

Good evening, good evening,

I hope you have had a great Tuesday and it has left you feeling that you have accomplished something, made a difference in some way, or simply enjoyed just being in the 20180417_175314.jpgmoment.

Today for me has felt productive and blessed in its unfolding, I am grateful for that.

Today’s message is quite sweet actually and funny, it talks of authenticity and being authentic in your truth is one of the most purest, honest acts of love there is, why because when you allow yourself to be and feel authentic you actually others to be and feel the same, plus it comes from a place of truth and that is a pure and honest place of the heart.

So today’s message is simply about being in your authentic truth and owning it, accepting it and allowing it.

Being vulnerable is not a weakness but a strength.

We are sometimes conditioned not to show too much because we may appear weak, but when you allow yourself to be who you are in any given moment, you are actually honouring your soul and that is a beautiful thing.

Confidence is sexy, being authentic is sexy and being honest is sexy, go on allow your sexy self to SHINE.

In love & Light, Susan xxx

Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message 09/04/2018

Good Evening,

How has your day been today, I awoke today feeling uber sensitive, perhaps it is because I am fending off a heavy cold and have been feeling a little bit out of sorts, desperately trying to continue doing what needs to be done, ever get those moments where you just feel yucky?

Sensitive, insecurities popping up to feel heard, concerns, worries, yes I have those human thoughts too.

Today’s card has me in mind of Carl Jung’s Shadow Self and his work, I do find his work interesting and quite fascinating, its depth, its terminology and its meaning, I relate the term Shadow Self here

Shadow: Hidden or unconscious aspects of oneself which the ego has either repressed or never recognized.  I do think that in order to do any type of healing work it is essential to touch base with core aspects of our shadow self, this is not always an easy thing to do, as sometimes going back to some earlier experiences can reinforce the trauma experienced, but I do believe that in order to heal one must allow oneself to feel with guidance.

Today’s card relates to two polar opposites darkness and light, it is ironic as I am so aware of these feelings within myself today and have allowed myself to feel what I am feeling with an understanding that whatever it is that my subconscious self is trying to reveal to me, it will do so in its rightful timing.

So today I ask you what are you aware of within yourself that is rippling from your subconscious?

Today’s message is this, what is it you fear? what is it that I fear? what is feared? and how can it be transmuted through the energy of love, well I did take myself out of my comfort zone today, doing so is always a positive thing as it means one is challenging oneself, so if you do identify with something that is making you feel a little bit wobbly and you identify it as “Fear” challenge it, face it and then allow it to flow and move through you.  You got this, quite often what we fear is imagined anyway and blown up in our minds and the actual thought of it is far worse.

I am not going to say stay positive, because I do feel that is a clique, you cannot tell someone to stay positive when they are having thoughts and feelings, but you can support them to identify with what they are feeling, process it, acknowledge it, validate it and then work with a choice on how to move past it, that right there is the gift.

Stay true to your feeling self, knowing that you have the power within you to make a choice whether you allow something to define you or not.

In love & Light Susan xx

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Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message – 8/04/2018

Good Afternoon,

Happy Sunday, I hope you are having a good day so far.

Ever wake up with a feeling and think to yourself, there has to be something more to life than this!   This usually happens when life seems to amalgamate and roll into each other, with a whirlwind of activity and constantly being on the go.

In the usual manner I shuffled my Universe Has Your Back Deck and out came this message, now it is important to allow yourself to feel how you feel in any given moment, not justify, analyse or try and dim down what may have surfaced, it usually does surface for a reason to alert you that something within needs to change.

It can be felt on a subconscious level and ripples through your emotions, thoughts and feelings, allow it all to reveal itself and this is okay, one of the challenges is trying to dim down what you feel and not give it space to be felt, processed, understood or validated.

So allow yourself to feel and honour exactly how you feel at any given time, after all feelings are emotions that do come and go and they do alert us to when something needs to change.

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Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message – 7/4/2018 – I Surrender

Good Morning all, Happy Saturday

hope that you have had a good start to the weekend thus far.  As I sit here quietly in these early hours of this morning, I shuffled my Universe Has Your Back Deck and felt drawn to the card “I Surrender”  what does this actually mean?

Do you feel that if you surrender it is a sign of weakness? I certainly don’t, over the years of experience and wisdom I certainly have come to realise when to surrender and when not too.

There is definitely something to be said for an inner sense of knowing when to surrender and when to hold on, in particular to viewing it from a perspective of what you can and cannot control, this I have found helps in making any decision.

I remember something from years ago from a meme, we fight to hold, we fight to let go, so as I sit here pondering this morning’s intuitive message this is what is coming up, where is there a need for you to let go? surrender!!

It does not mean weakness, it just simply put you are reserving your energy for where you are able to put it to best use.

There is also something to be said for when you release any form of attachment, expectation to an outcome you give it space to find its way, you free yourself up to be able to utilise the energy of trying to control something to being put to good use.

So today’s message is ” I Surrender To A Power Greater Than Me” trusting that whatever it is that you need to surrender too will either guide you to what is meant, or release you from what isn’t.

Have a great Saturday as it unfolds in it’s day.

With Love & Light, Susan xx20180407_055304.jpg

Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message – 04/04/2018

It’s been a couple of days since posting, coming down feeling crappy with a heavy cold, batteries need recharging, sometimes it is so needed, sometimes we do need to listen to the inner call of our body, soul and our mind, oh yes, one must.

I do hope that you have all had a great Easter filled with family love, joy, peace, rest and a sense of inner reflection and calm.

Today’s guidance is “My Faith Has The Power To Turn Trauma Into Healing,  Conflict Into Growth, and Fear Into Love” oh my, I can so relate to this one today, I truly can.  Ever get those moments where you feel conflicted from past trauma, or one feels triggered? or one feels a ripple of a memory, you see deep seated soul scars are like that, deep, profound, always there, never really going anywhere, but reminding you sometimes of their presence, and you know what its okay, it really is.

So today remind yourself that if you have experienced trauma that your faith, whatever you believe, you have the power to turn your trauma into healing yourself firstly, then you can transfer this into helping others, how magnificently powerful is that?

You can equally turn your conflict into growth and stepping stones to pave the way to a brighter, stronger and confident you, knowing that you have RISEN, like a Phoenix from her/his ashes and turned your fear into LOVE, go on, you so know that you can, you just got to truly believe in yourself, despite your doubts, fears, insecurities and your past experiences for they have afforded your growth in your current now and can pave the way to new skills, new awareness for a brighter and better future, with a new sense of eyes being opened in a different way.

With love & beautiful light Susan xxx20180404_230202 (2).jpg