Another cycle ends – transformation and connecting with my feelings associated.

#It’s an inside journey#

It seems lately there is less time to write as much as I used to be able too.  I find myself feeling emotional today, as I am coming to an end of another cycle, what is it about endings that evoke so much emotion, even knowing that every ending is going to open a new doorway.  An example I can think of, is this, ending a relationship that is negative, dysfunctional and has evoked negative emotions associated, one would imagine that one would feel “Happy” and yet the feelings that arise, are feelings of loss, and then there is the cycle of emotions that give rise to grieving.  This is an example to understand.

I say goodbye this week to a role that has come to completion for 2 years, it has been an experience of both positive and negative, positive because of the connections made, the laughter, the giggles, connecting with new people, being able to be a listening ear to those that have needed it, even being a listening ear to those who have projected their anger, because of the space that they were in at the time.  The negative the demands on the physical and emotional body.  I feel it is now time to close that door and say “Goodbye and “Thank you” for the journey, the experience, the highs and the lows.  But isn’t it amazing how closing doors, brings you closer to your emotions of loss, from previous doors that you have closed, or in some cases, closed because you had no choice, because closure may not have been completely possible.

I have just finished today, my 2nd job for the week, this will end next month, it is time for a new chapter, new beginnings, and even knowing that this will usher in new growth, I cannot help but feel a tinge of emotions, like awww, it feels a little sad, it has reminded me of other losses.  You see my viewpoint is this, that in this life, this fast paced western world we are so very busy pressing on, not giving ourselves time to process our emotions, our feelings associated with whatever we may be experiencing that we can if not careful walk around like we are “dead” emotionless, unfeeling, detached from our inner core emotions, and that in my mind is not good for the Mind, Body nor the Spirit.

I understand for many a feeling person who is in touch with their emotions, can feel too intense for many who choose to lock their emotions away, detach from them, store them in a box, never to open Pandora’s box until “Spirit” or the “Universe” decide to give you a situation or scenario, whereby you have to revisit, can you imagine for a moment that had you have had the courage, foresight and strength to initially allow yourself to tap into your emotions for each given situation, circumstance or event at that moment in time, what you would have been saving yourself from re-visiting later? Its true so much we would have saved ourselves if we had the courage to deal with it “NOW”

So today, I am feeling a little full of mixed emotions as I say goodbye to one chapter this month, then another chapter next month, when for the last 3 years I have been struggling with coming to terms and accepting a real big chapter and cycle in my life that was to be my biggest challenge emotionally yet, confronting, the face of what felt like “Death” “Loss” “Rejection” and feeling unworthy.

I have worked hard to claw my way back up from the very bottomless pit of the rabbit hole, and believe you me, there are moments when there is a trigger such as a loss, or a transition, that sets me back briefly, just momentarily to remembering where I have come from and where I have been.

Today, has felt a deeply moving day emotionally, the past 4 years have been hard as I have been working on my business this business and in the moments of healing, working with depression, counselling, past life regression to look at patterns that I may have been repeating, and allowing myself to be defined by how others have chosen to treat me, and what I have allowed in that process, has been deep.  So now couple with the wisdom of a mother who has raised 3 children to adulthood, who has experienced, many deaths, many failures, many rejections, many challenges, I can honestly say that as I sit back I can actually say, Susan, you really ought to be proud of yourself.

You see the greatest Teacher that we have is not Education, is not text book theories, no ideologies, not philosophies, but simply “Life experiences” and the pain associated with such.  Along with life experiences, pain is our greatest Teacher, for in this we are confronted with our weaknesses, confronted with our strengths, with our boundaries, with what we will accept and what we won’t and we are too faced with our vulnerabilities, we are stripped away of all ego facets of our soul and character and then once the unveiling takes place, we are confronted with a fresh new childlike new beginning on which to transmute all of the learning that has been gleaned from the whole journey;

I am proud to say that I am now much more accepting, comfortable with loss and transformation than I have ever been, even allowing myself to visit the emotions associated with the changes that take place.  Today I was given some feedback on my Group that I run on Facebook, and to me it was one of my most powerful messages that I have received, for believe me in the moments that I have doubted myself, in that journey of allowing myself to be defined by what I felt was a rejection of me, and a rejection of me not being good enough, I received affirmation and confirmation that the whole ethos of my Group Spiritual Reflections & Thoughts.  The Journey that it is successful and it does make a difference, and believe you me in the moments when I doubted myself, my souls call and who I was, who I am, I nearly called the whole lot in.  I tried a few times, but was told by Facebook that the page was of value to its followers and they would not let me close it, this coupled with today’s message has indicated to me that I am a powerful, strong woman who has been to hell and back and has risen.  As in the voice of Maya Angelou, I share a symbolism of who I can identify with,

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou1928 – 2014

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

From And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc.

My spirit got broken, but not my essence, that can never be taken away for it sits in the well of my soul and comes to my aid in real times of need.

 

“And Still I Rise” and in doing so I have learnt so much about me, and what I am capable of.  Thank you for the lessons, that have enable to me to view them in the mirror of

reflection. photo-1438762398043-ac196c2fa1e7

 

Susan Lawrence

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching.

What is your power? unique to YOU!

It has been a while since I have written anything, its been a quiet reflective time of re-evaluation!   This is essential in a period of transition.  I hope that this finds you well today as you read.

I wanted to write about the energy of the numbers.  “Numerology” each of us do hold within our souls purpose a blueprint and purpose in relation to our Birth Name, Birth date.  So I thought it would be a useful exercise to show a reflection of each number and what that means.

Number 1 – relates to new beginnings, independence, innovation, leadership, masculine principle.

Number 2 – relates harmony, unity, relationships, co-operation, feminine principle

Number 3 – saying one’s truth, imagination, creativity, optimism, playfulness, creative expression

Number 4 – building, formation, hard work, endurance, seriousness, practicality

Number 5 – change, transition, progressive thinking, resourceful, freedom, versatility, promotion.

Number 6 – balance, nurturing, service orientated, responsibility and duty, family focus, marriage and divorce number, domestic and work issues

Number 7 – analysis, research, science, technology, solitude, wisdom, spiritual focus, investigative, mystical and metaphysical

Number 8 – authority, power, finances, business, success, material wealth, organization, self-mastery.

Number 9 – endings, vision, tolerance, transformation, spiritual consciousness, cosmic, teaching, global awareness, perfection.

Master Numbers

Number 11 – master of illumination, the inspirational messenger, the number of light, one who raises consciousness, reformer of world problems, wants to uplift others, inspires by teaching own truth

Number 22 – master builder, visionary knows how to plan and execute large projects, wants to further consciousness of humanity, especially feminine consciousness, powerful skills of manifestation, the humanitarian

Number 33 – teacher of teachers, master of compassion, master of healing through love, use of creative energies to serve others

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If you would like a reading with the principles of using Angel cards, Intuition, Numerology and Astrology, please do get in contact by emailing susanlawrencesoulcoaching@gmail.com, cost and times will be discussed at your point of contact.

You have so much more hidden potential than you realise.

My number vibration is a 33/6 just to give you a little insight!

In love, light and blessings, Susan xx

Time is a Healer! The Gift of Time

Every day is unique in its unfolding.
They say that time is a healer, you cannot place time on any healing that needs to take place, for it is like layers of an onion, each layer that sheds gives rise to an emergence of another layer to be healed.
The severity of the trauma or the experience will always be a unique one to each individual, I do admire those that appear to have the ability to dust themselves off, like flour on their clothes, dust, dust, then its gone, but is it really though? hmmmm I do wonder, for humans have the capacity to compartmentalize their stored experiences of hurt and pain in a tight lidded box, to be open again at ones choosing and peril, or when they are triggered and they have no choice but to look the hurt in the eye and say yes, I am ready now to deal with it. aaron-burden-622662-unsplash.jpg
In this though this only prolongs the healing that needs to take place, compounds it, one thing that we can do in this beautiful unfolding of “Life” is enjoy each day, live it, experience it, whilst we still give ourselves permission to be in this timeframe of NOW!!
Time is a healer, it isn’t finite, we cannot say I will feel better today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year, it truly is a unique thing, the capacity to be able to still function though whilst one gives themselves time to heal what their soul as asking to be healed is the capacity to enjoy each day in its unfolding, to find the joy in each day.
I know from experience that behind every smile there are an ocean of tears, indeed though, this does not mean for one moment that there isn’t the capacity to laugh, giggle even though somehow, somewhere you may be hurting inside, for the gift of time, wisdom and experience is the blessings of being able to function and still get on and move away for just a moment from the pain.
Not forgetting though for those that struggle, sometimes the struggle is just too real, sometimes the transformation from pain to joy seems just a little to long a way for them, never judge, for how can we, when we are not walking a mile in their shoes, we may be able to understand the pain, but everyone will have their own unique strategies, coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with it, there is no right or wrong.
Remembering that as John Holt says, Time Is The Master!!
Remembering that Tears are the Liquid Emotions That The Heart Cannot Express!!
No judgement please for Time is a healer in all things.
With Light and Love, Susan xxxxx

The Circle Of Life!

Today I had a moment to reflect and feel amazed at having 3 Adult children, I feel amazed at how quickly time flies, how it goes and the memories all role into a ball ready for moments to be recalled.

I remember each of their Births like yesterday, the feelings, the joy, the sad reflective moments, the pure joy at holding my little bundle in my arms, and how proud I feel as I stand back and think, I am so very proud of you all.

The circle of life is always present and evident in every day life, in the Seasons, the Weather, things are born and things die, life can be like this with cycles and seasons too, so too can our own journey, in the cycles and situations that we experience, and it is okay, because what I have learnt over the years is this, nothing stays the same forever, everything is temporary for the period of time it needs to be that way, until the change and evolution of growth through a situation, event or circumstance.  Sometimes we place pressure on ourselves, with that inner dialogue that takes place, I should be this, I should be that by now, but everything has its time, everything has its place, and everything has its season.

For the real tragedy of life is not death, but what we allow to die inside of us while we live.

The true testimony is Rising from life’s tragedies and still standing when you feel like you have nothing left, when you are going through it, it doesn’t feel like you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but later on, upon reflection you can feel immensely proud of yourself for discovering you had so much inner strength to get through.

Find the joy in between life’s challenges to find a balance and you can’t go wrong.

With love & light, Susan xxx