Another cycle ends – transformation and connecting with my feelings associated.

#It’s an inside journey#

It seems lately there is less time to write as much as I used to be able too.  I find myself feeling emotional today, as I am coming to an end of another cycle, what is it about endings that evoke so much emotion, even knowing that every ending is going to open a new doorway.  An example I can think of, is this, ending a relationship that is negative, dysfunctional and has evoked negative emotions associated, one would imagine that one would feel “Happy” and yet the feelings that arise, are feelings of loss, and then there is the cycle of emotions that give rise to grieving.  This is an example to understand.

I say goodbye this week to a role that has come to completion for 2 years, it has been an experience of both positive and negative, positive because of the connections made, the laughter, the giggles, connecting with new people, being able to be a listening ear to those that have needed it, even being a listening ear to those who have projected their anger, because of the space that they were in at the time.  The negative the demands on the physical and emotional body.  I feel it is now time to close that door and say “Goodbye and “Thank you” for the journey, the experience, the highs and the lows.  But isn’t it amazing how closing doors, brings you closer to your emotions of loss, from previous doors that you have closed, or in some cases, closed because you had no choice, because closure may not have been completely possible.

I have just finished today, my 2nd job for the week, this will end next month, it is time for a new chapter, new beginnings, and even knowing that this will usher in new growth, I cannot help but feel a tinge of emotions, like awww, it feels a little sad, it has reminded me of other losses.  You see my viewpoint is this, that in this life, this fast paced western world we are so very busy pressing on, not giving ourselves time to process our emotions, our feelings associated with whatever we may be experiencing that we can if not careful walk around like we are “dead” emotionless, unfeeling, detached from our inner core emotions, and that in my mind is not good for the Mind, Body nor the Spirit.

I understand for many a feeling person who is in touch with their emotions, can feel too intense for many who choose to lock their emotions away, detach from them, store them in a box, never to open Pandora’s box until “Spirit” or the “Universe” decide to give you a situation or scenario, whereby you have to revisit, can you imagine for a moment that had you have had the courage, foresight and strength to initially allow yourself to tap into your emotions for each given situation, circumstance or event at that moment in time, what you would have been saving yourself from re-visiting later? Its true so much we would have saved ourselves if we had the courage to deal with it “NOW”

So today, I am feeling a little full of mixed emotions as I say goodbye to one chapter this month, then another chapter next month, when for the last 3 years I have been struggling with coming to terms and accepting a real big chapter and cycle in my life that was to be my biggest challenge emotionally yet, confronting, the face of what felt like “Death” “Loss” “Rejection” and feeling unworthy.

I have worked hard to claw my way back up from the very bottomless pit of the rabbit hole, and believe you me, there are moments when there is a trigger such as a loss, or a transition, that sets me back briefly, just momentarily to remembering where I have come from and where I have been.

Today, has felt a deeply moving day emotionally, the past 4 years have been hard as I have been working on my business this business and in the moments of healing, working with depression, counselling, past life regression to look at patterns that I may have been repeating, and allowing myself to be defined by how others have chosen to treat me, and what I have allowed in that process, has been deep.  So now couple with the wisdom of a mother who has raised 3 children to adulthood, who has experienced, many deaths, many failures, many rejections, many challenges, I can honestly say that as I sit back I can actually say, Susan, you really ought to be proud of yourself.

You see the greatest Teacher that we have is not Education, is not text book theories, no ideologies, not philosophies, but simply “Life experiences” and the pain associated with such.  Along with life experiences, pain is our greatest Teacher, for in this we are confronted with our weaknesses, confronted with our strengths, with our boundaries, with what we will accept and what we won’t and we are too faced with our vulnerabilities, we are stripped away of all ego facets of our soul and character and then once the unveiling takes place, we are confronted with a fresh new childlike new beginning on which to transmute all of the learning that has been gleaned from the whole journey;

I am proud to say that I am now much more accepting, comfortable with loss and transformation than I have ever been, even allowing myself to visit the emotions associated with the changes that take place.  Today I was given some feedback on my Group that I run on Facebook, and to me it was one of my most powerful messages that I have received, for believe me in the moments that I have doubted myself, in that journey of allowing myself to be defined by what I felt was a rejection of me, and a rejection of me not being good enough, I received affirmation and confirmation that the whole ethos of my Group Spiritual Reflections & Thoughts.  The Journey that it is successful and it does make a difference, and believe you me in the moments when I doubted myself, my souls call and who I was, who I am, I nearly called the whole lot in.  I tried a few times, but was told by Facebook that the page was of value to its followers and they would not let me close it, this coupled with today’s message has indicated to me that I am a powerful, strong woman who has been to hell and back and has risen.  As in the voice of Maya Angelou, I share a symbolism of who I can identify with,

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou1928 – 2014

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

From And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc.

My spirit got broken, but not my essence, that can never be taken away for it sits in the well of my soul and comes to my aid in real times of need.

 

“And Still I Rise” and in doing so I have learnt so much about me, and what I am capable of.  Thank you for the lessons, that have enable to me to view them in the mirror of

reflection. photo-1438762398043-ac196c2fa1e7

 

Susan Lawrence

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching.

The Circle Of Life!

Today I had a moment to reflect and feel amazed at having 3 Adult children, I feel amazed at how quickly time flies, how it goes and the memories all role into a ball ready for moments to be recalled.

I remember each of their Births like yesterday, the feelings, the joy, the sad reflective moments, the pure joy at holding my little bundle in my arms, and how proud I feel as I stand back and think, I am so very proud of you all.

The circle of life is always present and evident in every day life, in the Seasons, the Weather, things are born and things die, life can be like this with cycles and seasons too, so too can our own journey, in the cycles and situations that we experience, and it is okay, because what I have learnt over the years is this, nothing stays the same forever, everything is temporary for the period of time it needs to be that way, until the change and evolution of growth through a situation, event or circumstance.  Sometimes we place pressure on ourselves, with that inner dialogue that takes place, I should be this, I should be that by now, but everything has its time, everything has its place, and everything has its season.

For the real tragedy of life is not death, but what we allow to die inside of us while we live.

The true testimony is Rising from life’s tragedies and still standing when you feel like you have nothing left, when you are going through it, it doesn’t feel like you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but later on, upon reflection you can feel immensely proud of yourself for discovering you had so much inner strength to get through.

Find the joy in between life’s challenges to find a balance and you can’t go wrong.

With love & light, Susan xxx

Compassion goes a long way, to others, to self!

Hi there,

My thoughts turn to Compassion today, compassion goes a very long way in a World that can feel unfeeling at times, you just never truly know how much you holding out your hand in compassion will impact another.  For you see many suffer in silence, sometimes the silence is out of not wanting to be a burden to others, not wanting to show vulnerability, not wanting to admit to others that one simply isn’t coping with what one may be going through.  Over the years since I have been on Facebook, since 2009, I have seen only too well the posts that do get a response, and the posts that usually get a response are the negative posts and real life posts, you see human nature can respond to these type of posts, so I wanted to draw reference to the word Compassion today, I have been thinking about it for a couple of days now.

So what is Compassion? what exactly is it, a definition I have pulled up from Wikipedia is this;

Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, mental or emotional pains of another and themselves. Compassion is often regarded as having sensitivity, an emotional aspect to suffering, though when based on cerebral notions such as fairness, justice, and interdependence, it may be considered rational in nature and its application understood as an activity also based on sound judgment. There is also an aspect of equal dimension, such that individual’s compassion is often given a property of “depth”, “vigour”, or “passion”. The etymology of “compassion” is Latin, meaning “co-suffering.” Compassion involves “feeling for another” and is a precursor to empathy, the “feeling as another” capacity for better person centred acts of active compassion; in common parlance active compassion is the desire to alleviate another’s suffering.  So here it is in a nutshell.

How much compassion do you display to your friends, family, those in need? is there tolerance for their plight and for their suffering? or do you get fed up if there is repetition of the same story?

Well you see the real essence is that progress and growth in terms of human suffering is I believe at the root of attachment, which in essence is human nature, we all get attached to something, someone and this is the very nature of human nature, can you imagine if we didn’t? how unfeeling would we really be, terribly cold I imagine.  But there is one thing that comes to mind in the theme of human suffering is that suffering is a journey, just as grief, loss and detaching yourself from something, it is a journey, it takes time to untangle, to process, to understand, to digest, to get to a place where all of the varying emotions become bearable and no longer feel overwhelming, so imagine how it feels to go through a process of suffering, whether this be from life’s experiences, personal loss, addictions, trauma, it takes time, the journey to healing does not happen overnight, oh no.

So if you see someone within your peripheral circle who needs some support, reach out your hand in compassion to see if you can offer support, you may not be able to take their pain away, their suffering away, but just reaching out and being there, may mean so much, and it just may make a difference to their lives.  We all need to feel loved, appreciated, cared for and that we matter, even though the real essence is not seeking validation outside of ourselves, or from others, but it does make a difference to our feeling of interdependence to know and to feel that someone does care.

You just never know how much of an impact that may have on another’s emotional, spiritual well-being.

And also remember too, lastly, if compassion does not include yourself, it isn’t compassion. compassion600.jpg

In love & Light, Susan xxx

Turning Loss into a learning experience.

As I sat quietly this morning, baking and listening to my usual beautiful Calm Zen Radio, I sat with my deck of cards and asked for today’s guidance.  The card that came up is called “Death Is An Illusion” now for western ways this may sound morbid, touching base with such a subject.  I will always feel that the British western ways of dealing and handling loss, death is to remain in a sense of denial with a stiff upper lip.  But with other cultures they actually embrace death, loss as a passageway.  Someone needs to hear this message today, so I am going to go with its message.

This card talks of death being a physical vessel which exists.  That there is a beginning, middle and an end to every life form, whether this is measured in minutes, days, or decades.  It is the nature of the molecules of this earthly planer to have an end date, this is the natural state, this is something that we all do have a guarantee of, and know of.

The death of the conscious energy (or soul) of the vessel, however is an illusion.  But because it can’t be seen or measured and because there are no instruments to detect it, many humans question the ability of the consciousness to survive the death of the vessel.  Just because the limitations of the brain aren’t able to explain the intricate dance between the physical dimension and the spiritual dimensions does not negate its existence.

Spiritual form uses “Death” as a tool, and it then manifests itself in the emotional expression as grief.  This card has been drawn because there may be a need to let go and have some assistance with feelings of loss.  Everything comes to its natural end.  Humans, Animals die, relationships and careers end, but the courageous, strong and full of wisdom are those that are able to transcend any pain of loss into a positive and draw reference from what once was in that moment of time.  Grief is a very real emotion and needs to be felt, acknowledged, understood and validated for its very presence and essence, I liken it to the journey of at times grief being so desperately painful in that moment of mourning the loss of what once was, what one may have hoped for, for what might have been, for all the hopes, desires, expectations, dreams and emotions to no longer having it in a very real sense.  When we allow ourselves to truly touch base with the emotions of loss, mourning and letting go and then transcending all of those difficult emotions to a positive that is when we have allowed our soul to truly rise in the power of its truth, almost like the process and journey of the Phoenix rising from its ashes, there is so much learning when we allow ourselves to process and flow through the whole experience and come out of the other side. Know one said it is easy, going to be easy, or is easy, it is just a passageway to reach the full potential of the other side, taking the journey, the learning of letting go of any attachments that exist.

Helping others in times of grief is one of the most important lessens that we can give to humanity, there is something really soul deep when we are in pain and still having the capacity to rise up and support others, that is compassion at its highest form, grief is one of the most important events in a persons lifetime that the soul can experience.

You see spirit knows that the bonds of Love never truly die and that the souls who are no longer existing in a physical sense are more alive and with you that you may have thought possible whilst you reside in this dimension of Earth, it is your conscious mind that has the difficulty in accepting this fact.  The “Reunion” with your Spirit family is also an illusion because in truth you have never been separated, no amount of time, place nor distance will ever be able to discount the memories, the love, the joy, the feelings that existed when you were both together on this earth plane, and nothing will ever be able to change that.

Grief is a passageway and a gateway to truly learn the journey and the truth that separation is in the mind, and that in your soul the love still exists and always will.

If at any time your grief feels to much too overwhelming or perhaps it has taken you to a place where you are not able to move forward because you have become stuck in the emotions, feelings, thoughts and memories, do seek some professional counselling to support you to get through this, it is not a weakness but a beautiful strength to seek and ask for help when you soul truly needs it.

Remember you are always loved by who you have lost, or at least in your lifetime you were and that never changes.

In love and beautiful light.  Susan xxxxx

Deck Messages from the guides James Van Praagh.  I happen to think are truly powerful, beautiful and speak an abundance of spiritual truth, words written today are a combination of guidance and my own. 20180310_135728.jpg

 

Reviewing a box of dark chocolates!

Today I wanted to share a concept of dark chocolates, I remember many years ago seeing this meme. FB_IMG_1519284648761

It took me some years later to understand the importance of its meaning.  “Heartbreak”, now we all know, in fact I do not imagine for one moment that anyone does not know what that feels like, it is one of human nature experiences that are always an aspect of life through the passage of time.

My perception of it is that the dark chocolates are the very things that need to be addressed in a relationship that is not healthy, may be toxic, may be imbalanced, may be where there are aspects that are being shown as a means for soul development and a journey to growth, one thing I have come to realize is that our deepest, darkest, shadow experiences, the most harrowing of experiences are where our soul grows the most, we are forced to as in the very deepest aspect where we are forced out of our comfort zone we are afforded the gift of light after our dark chocolates experience.

One of the most painful aspects of this dark chocolates experiences are the feelings of loss, not dissimilar to the feeling of “grief”, grief can sometimes plummet you down the rabbit hole, sometimes it can take you to a very dark and overcast place as it introduces you to the very core aspects of our subconscious self that may need to be healed, especially if there has been trauma that has been experienced before, whether this is from an early experience, childhood or other.

You see our triggers do in fact have something to teach us, as we journey through the very differing range of emotions that we can experience through loss, heartache, whether it be through death, or a severing of a relationship we become faced with aspects of ourselves that may feel rather uncomfortable, this is not a one rule for all, it is a rule for some, some are able to just dust themselves down and appear not to be as affected.  However, a point to note in my opinion from experience is that when we soldier on and do not give our souls a space of acknowledging, processing, validating an experience, there can be a situation much later in life where it can smack us in the face.  The Universe does that you see.

Having this dark chocolates experience can feel rather uncomfortable, disconcerting, unfamiliar, scary, leave you with a sense of not feeling in control as you journey through the experience of coming to terms with what has been handed to you.  I liken this to experiences that you may not have been expecting or may not have seen, a traumatic event that has jolted your soul awake, jolted it, shook it to the very core and rippled the whole of the foundations of what you thought were.

One of the things that is very common is to go through several stages of emotions in the early stages of trauma and shock. these are:-

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Highly emotional
  • Rationalization of ones emotions and feelings
  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Making excuses for the experience
  • Trying to downplay the experience
  • Acceptance
  • Victim mentality
  • Survival mentality
  • Relieving the experience in your mind

The range of emotions that you may experience due to your situation or circumstance will assist you in journeying through a variation of these emotions and you may bounce around different ones at any different times, the last stage is anger and then you find a place of acceptance.

Heartbreak and is one of the most painful things, there is even heartbreak in the loss experience, it is not unknown for couples whom have been together for long periods of time to lose their other partner to find themselves in a situation where they have not long followed.  It is extremely important not to rush the healing process of heartbreak and loss, it is a very unique grief journey that is unique to each and every individual.

It is important to take one day at a time as you allow yourself to heal and get to a place where finally you get to a place of acceptance, listen to your soul, your mind and spirit and you will know when you have taken the lesson and be able to turn it into a blessing.  For everything that we do experience in the theme of dark chocolates gives us an opportunity for growth, even if you do wear the experiences of that experience for many years to come.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to your heart and soul as you heal.

With love & light, Susan xx

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching