An Interdependent Relationship is the healthiest way v co-dependency, learning the art of detachment in relationships.

Relationships, the most sought after thing, yet for many, including myself can feel illusive, why is that, well here is my learning, until we get healthy with ourselves and weed out negative behaviour patterns and negative conditioning, we simply cannot be healthy with another, this is not to say for one moment, that one ought to take full responsibility for the demise of a relationship in its totality, but an understanding of how you played a part in that demise and what part you played.

You simply cannot expect to make another accountable if they choose not to be aware, or simply acknowledge in communication with you, their part, or even validate any hurt their actions may have fostered.

You see pain, in particular in relationships, I believe are one of our greatest Teachers, and greatest assets to be able to force us to grow and come out of our conditioned comfort zone.

Many will say how the hell can you give advice on relationships when you are not in one? well here is the thing, if you are a person who does reflect and does look in the mirror you can glean a lot from what hasn’t worked, what things you have done, what things you haven’t done and you can take this lessons forward, there is no greater lesson than that what is deemed as failure both from your own inner critic and from an observational view of the lens.

I have come to learn that the reason why the very thing that you may truly desire from your soul and heart eludes you, is because perhaps you have been eluding yourself? quite often the focus on “other” is a mechanism to deflect you from looking at yourself, it is easy to get into a situation whereby it’s always the other persons fault, but that is just proportioning blame, which serves no purpose, that is just a justification to take no responsibility for being part of that journey.

You see my learning is that when you love deeply there can be acts of imbalance in that you give all of yourself, sometimes at times at the expense of “other” when in actual fact, the gift is to learn interdependence, keep a level of individuality and a level of interdependence in equal measure.  Having been part of unhealthy relationships, I now get to witness so much earlier on, the red flags of where a situation could become co-dependent, that is not love, that is enabling, that is control, and love is not about control.

Love needs to be given a space to be free, to flourish, to grow, to emerge in its floral design, so that both emerge and grow to their highest and greatest potential.  One of the healthiest relationships is where honest, truthful and connected, present communication exists, where there is absolutely no fear or judgement in being able to express your true, honest and authentic self.

The gift of loving unconditionally without expectation is the gift of detachment, for when you get to a place where there is no expectation of an outcome, there is no need, nor desire to “fix” other, but to focus on fixing, YOU, that is the gift of a healthy relationship.

In today’s society there are a great deal of unhealthy relationships, I know this from a wisdom perspective, and knowledge as being part of a group, observation and reading.

Unhealthy relationship patterns can be learnt from an early age, even from the perspective of what appears on the outside, a very healthy relationship to co-dependency and enabling patterns that take place in the home.

When you can get to a place where you can safely allow your souls true authentic self to shine, express itself without fear or judgement, and the same for other, then that right there is a healthy balance.

Love is not control, loves needs space to be able to express its truth, not all flowers and rose tinted glasses all of the time, but the moments of emotions that may not feel very comfortable, when you get to a place where you can connect with someone and you show all facets of your character and personality and there is nothing hidden, and both of you are able to hold each other in those moments by being emotionally present and available, that is a healthy relationship.

If you feel the need to “fix” make excuses, dum down who you are, or suppress your emotions or who you are that is control, that isn’t healthy.  The importance of honest communication is also about allowing yourself to vocalise your feelings without fear this helps the relationship grow because you are showing your vulnerability, and it is only when we truly drop our guard, show our vulnerability that we can truly have an honest loving relationship and remember, just because you behave in a particular way, it does not mean expecting other to be the same, because that right there is one of the situations that will set you up for a fall.  Most of us do have an expectation of how we perceive things should be, but in the love stakes, usually it turns out to be completely different, that is because we had an expectation.

Love is a gift when it is allowed to grow and flow.

In love & light, Susan. xxx

(c) Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching.PortraitSoulPic

 

We all play a part in each others soul’s growth!

Good Morning, Happy Monday, blessings for a beautiful week ahead.

There are some moments where my reflective processing feels deeper than others, but there is nothing more that I love than a good laugh!!  Ever had those moments where you connect with some loved ones, friends and the laughter just roles.

This morning has me thinking about the roles we all play, I firmly believe that our connections either bring out the best, or the worst.  That the long connections, brief connections, short connections, all play a part in the interconnections of our souls journey.  I believe that people come into our lives either a lesson or a blessing.

The truth is the process of elimination & discernment to discover which, at times through the journey of these processes in takes time for revelations to reveal themselves, what comes after dark, always comes to light.

Make sure though that those that are present and who have shown up you appreciate them, please do let them know that they matter, that they feel important to your heart and your soul, for there is nothing sweeter than feeling acknowledged, validated, and noticed from that loving space of appreciation, who doesn’t like to feel appreciated? validated and acknowledged.

Look out for the positive interactions, those that support you to become the best version of you, and remembering it is a two way street, equally that you support those that mean something to you, to become the best version of them.

Life and its connections always ought to be about give and take in equal measure, not take, take, take, that is an imbalance that both parties can do without.

Sometimes the lessons or the blessings come to realisation later on, but most of all let your soul guide you as to who feels “right”  who feels a right fit, you cannot go wrong with that inner gut antennae that speaks volumes as it either feels good, or feels uncomfortable in its gnawing truth.

Thank all those that have been a blessing, never forgetting a moment of gratitude for all of the lessons and the blessings, in whichever way they come.

Have a great week ahead,

With love & light, Susan xxxx

 

Susan Lawrence Soul Coaching 29258579_640976379573874_8486568649174286336_o10277005_701498216574361_3112295131616827545_n

 

Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message 18/04/2018

Good evening,

extremely late today, its been a beautiful eventful day, one which I feel grateful and blessed for, the weather picked up and the elements were smiling, that is always a good thing.  I hope that your day has been enjoyable and productive and a happy one too.

Today’s message speaks of our outer experiences being a reflection of our internal condition, interesting. things are very busy but calm at present and that feels a good place to be, how about you? how are things with you?

We do have to be mindful of what we allow to influence us from an external point of view, certainly there are some things I deliberately do not engage in as a result of desiring to keep my inner world still to a degree, that is something that we can control in any instance.

So if things are challenging, dramatic from an external factor then this is a direct reflection of what is going on inside.   We attract what we are to some degree, sometimes this is difficult to see and to figure out, but there is truth in this.

So today’s message is simply to alert you to think and look at this in a different perspective, if your world is fraught with worry and lots of drama it is because somewhere you may be creating it from an inside place.

You have the choice whether to give something time or not, if it isn’t for your highest vibration then let it go.

Try and keep a positive mindset, with love & light, Susan xxx20180326_202951.jpg

 

Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message – 7/4/2018 – I Surrender

Good Morning all, Happy Saturday

hope that you have had a good start to the weekend thus far.  As I sit here quietly in these early hours of this morning, I shuffled my Universe Has Your Back Deck and felt drawn to the card “I Surrender”  what does this actually mean?

Do you feel that if you surrender it is a sign of weakness? I certainly don’t, over the years of experience and wisdom I certainly have come to realise when to surrender and when not too.

There is definitely something to be said for an inner sense of knowing when to surrender and when to hold on, in particular to viewing it from a perspective of what you can and cannot control, this I have found helps in making any decision.

I remember something from years ago from a meme, we fight to hold, we fight to let go, so as I sit here pondering this morning’s intuitive message this is what is coming up, where is there a need for you to let go? surrender!!

It does not mean weakness, it just simply put you are reserving your energy for where you are able to put it to best use.

There is also something to be said for when you release any form of attachment, expectation to an outcome you give it space to find its way, you free yourself up to be able to utilise the energy of trying to control something to being put to good use.

So today’s message is ” I Surrender To A Power Greater Than Me” trusting that whatever it is that you need to surrender too will either guide you to what is meant, or release you from what isn’t.

Have a great Saturday as it unfolds in it’s day.

With Love & Light, Susan xx20180407_055304.jpg

Today’s Universe Has Your Back Message – 05/04/2018

What a wonderful message today, this one.

It’s in the theme of trusting your intuition as to when to speak up from a place of Love and not fear, to speak up when you feel ready to do so, especially if there is something that you may not be vocalising.  Sometimes picking our moments to speak up, is a good thing, sometimes there needs to be a bit of a process that goes on as to how you feel about what is going on around you!

I don’t know about you, but I learnt some time ago that as we grow, evolve, mature and learn to focus our energy in positive ways, we begin to discern too as to the battles that we enter, also a positive thing, it saves a great deal of energy being misdirected.

If you have some friction that is going on around you at present trust you inner judgement as to when to speak up and speak your truth, sometimes it is wisest to let the dust settle, let things calm down and then meet it with fresh new energy once the waters become calmer.   In addition trust your inner guidance if you feel a little lost at present, sometimes this happens when there is change or a shift happening and things will usually fall into place.  Trust that!  You will always end up where you need to be.

In love & Light Susan xx

So today’s message is this :- 20180405_190835.jpg

Happiness is a state of being!

Happy Saturday all,

I felt creative today and utilised what I have around me at home, and as I put together a quote, I thought Hmmm, okay, it got me thinking, of the word Happiness, and I feel that happiness is a state of being, it cannot be forced, coerced, it naturally comes from a place within.  Of course realistically one cannot be happy all of the time, but we can be happy some of the time.

In particular we can be happy with what we have, where we are, realising that we may not have everything that we desire but we do have such a lot to feel and be in a place of gratitude for.

I like to think that happiness is a place where we reside some of the time, along with the ebb and flow of life’s challenges, and to me that is sufficient and good enough.  How about you?

so remember that Happiness is a state of being in the present, enjoying the present moment, being thankful, feeling gratitude, feeling blessed for what you do have, rather than what you don’t.

I sincerely, hope that you acknowledge your place of happiness moments, they ought to be acknowledged in their joy.

Happy Easter, with love & light, Susan xxxinstaquote-31-03-2018-17-42-22.png