I have woken today with a sense of surreal, I was in the kitchen after finishing a call with my Son, having a problem with the screen on my mobile which keeps going black, an awareness that its time for yet another change, no problem with that, suddenly music comes on, I could not see where it was coming from, it surprised me for a moment, thinking where the hell is that coming from, I suddenly realized it was a radio station I listen too regularly called Calm Zen Radio, music was floating around the kitchen, so I thought oh, okay then I shall go with this, it sort of set the tone of the morning and felt rather surreal and beautiful, especially because I did not orchestrate its existence into my being, it just happened, then I read something that triggered a memory of what I term Dark Night Of The Soul, what is that some may say?, but if you have experienced it you will know, it is a period in ones lifetime where you are in a very dark place like a severe Depression, nothing pulls you out of it until you are ready and believe me it can be hard on the family when you do go through it, I remember plummeting into this dark space in 2015 after 2 very deep traumatic events that triggered off old wounds, it came as a shock as the world I thought I was in was just an illusion of my mind, it did not exist, it was not what I thought my world was, it was a perception of my then beliefs. When you come from a harsh place of regular loss, one would imagine for one moment that one would become immune, one never truly does, some losses are so profound, so soul scarring, so soul traumatic that they leave stripes across your soul, (dramatic you might say) but that is how it feels.
But what got me thinking this morning is the pure joy of finally getting to a place where ones sees some sunlight after the beautiful yet dark night of the moon and its shadows, one does not think back in the thick of it that one will get through, or even how one will get through, a period of counselling paid for out of my then benefit as I was not working I made a commitment to my soul to do further healing and further internal work. You see loss does not have to just be through death, it comes through the loss of something that you held dear and close to your heart and your soul, and then the realization that it was not what you thought it was, against the reality of what it actually reveals itself to be can send a ripple of shock down the very core of your soul, but I tell you this the growth, the growth, oh the growth internally from an inside place is immeasurable.
Eckhart Tolle gives this definition of the Dark Night Of The Soul https://www.eckharttolle.com/newsletter/october-2011 which I feel is particularly apt and informative, sometimes you may be diagnosed with depression but it is actually a collapse of your ego self, a collapse of what you have perceived yourself to be and your world, journeying through it can be painful, scary and extremely frightening, but I tell you, once you get through it you emerge, very slowly and I mean slowly, you then begin to feel like a Pupae, a chrysalis like a Butterfly in a cocoon waiting for its emergence to burst through and eventually flap its beautiful wings, I will say that if ever you find yourself in that dark place, do not imagine for one moment that your soul doesn’t know its way and its truth, and it knows what to do, it does, the Universe also has your back, your spirit guides, your Ancestors too, and you know what your soul will know what to do, TRUST yourself, TRUST the journey and TRUST your process.
In love and beautiful emerging light, Susan xxxx